Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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