i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
