it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize