he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
