she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
