we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He shit in the fireplace
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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