I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
did i walk over a car last night?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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