the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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