It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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