i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
