there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
