She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
