Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
