never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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