You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize