Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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