the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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