woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
