I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
