see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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