Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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