Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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