dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
