she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize