I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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