I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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