what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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