Will you blow on my dice?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
