even my farts smell like vagina
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i've created a new STD.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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