11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
