Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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