dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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