dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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