This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
