Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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