dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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