So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
