If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
