So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
