like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize