I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
