there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
