Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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