Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
