oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
