apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
