His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
