he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
how does that bad decision feel?
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