I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
