if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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