I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He kissed a someone with a penis
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is Oprah even human
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
