No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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