He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize
