Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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