Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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