you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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