I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
