I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
