Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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