Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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