I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize