I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
