I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
