I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
