I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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