soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
