Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
