dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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