When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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