Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just invented taco cereal.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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