I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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