Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
