It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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