Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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