Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
