grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
