you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
