hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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