I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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