last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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