ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
