I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
