I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
