Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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