i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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