it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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