How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
