What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
