things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
