sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
two words...techno handjob
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
