I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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