The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize