And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize