I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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